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Many of the peeps in Korea had been feeling homesick with the holidays approaching (even I was bit by the bug for a couple hours early in the week so we planned 48 hours of festivities on Christmas Eve and Day to keep our minds off of being away from home. In honor of the triumphant return of Jack Bauer and 24, the following events take place in real time.

December 24th 3:45pm
I made an executive decision to tell Jang I needed to leave early for "banking" and skipped out on the last 45 minutes of work. Banking is code for wanting to get the hell out of Dodge and relax for a little while.
Walk in the door to chez Schlossberg and turn on el computadora (french and spanish in the same sentence, I'm just that good). My Christmas/ Hanukkah playlist begins with "Carol of the Bells" by Transiberian Orchestra. I then enjoy a couple cookies/brownies courtesy of Shelley Pelletier with an assist from express overseas shipping.
With the impending arrival of Lord Peter of Thornberry and Amanda "The Canuck" Dynes I hop in the shower and give my dome a good holiday bicing. A smooth head is essential to spreading holiday cheer throughout the peninsula.
With the Celtics riding the wave of a 19 game winning streak I make executive decision #2 of the day and decide to toss on my Celtics shirt for bragging rights (while Santa Claus and His Old Lady by Cheech and Chong plays in the background). Dynesy and General Thornwallis arrive within a few minutes of each other.
 small talk commenses between us, "How bout this weather? "How was your day?" ""Ovaltine really is delicious!"
We embark on a journey to G7 where we had space put aside for us to eat, drink and be merry (whatever the hell that means) I mean who really uses the word "merry" in normal conversation these days? Are there any other words that are only used seasonally besides "merry"? In the 2.4 seconds I just spent thinking about it, I couldn't come up with another one, perhaps you'll have better luck than I.
After the longest cab ride in the history of what should've only taken 12 minutes but instead too 58 minutes we arrive a little too fashionably for my liking and try to put a plate of food together out of what was left by the savages who had arrived before us.
Joe Halfin calls me over and I notice he's got a cake with 4 candles sticking out of it, I quickly deduce that this is a makeshift menorah and we perform the traditional prayer along with a few assorted lookers-on.
I say goodbye to G7 forever (last week our group lead by the virtuoso musicians the What If's put on a charity event where we raised close to $1000 dollars for underprivileged kids in Korea, many people also brought in presents and t-shirts were on sale with all proceeds going to the orphanage. Nice gesture by the band and everyone who participated but the owner of the bar, a spitfire by the name of Tasha gave the guys crap for not doing enough for the orphanage. Who the hell does that? She's dumb, nuff said, there are 7,561 other bars in the area for us to go to and sink out monthly pay checks into, G7 will not be missed I assure you.
We meet up with various characters at N's pub, including but not limited to members of the Men of Genius, their lady friends and about 30 other beautiful bastards that did nothing but enhance the good times we were already in the midst of.
as;lkghurapng;kdjfbnfmnbiurpietyoigun;dfkjnb;dslfkjgkfgaldkfng (you get the idea). I do recall wishing everyone a Merry Christmas at midnight and shortly after Amanda, Dr. Thornenstein, Chrissy and I made our way back to my place for a Christmas sleepover. We all stopped at the convenience store infront of my building where one of the coolest dudes in the world happens to be employed. If I didn't shave my head I would have more hair than this dude which automatically makes his likeable in my book. We all bought various kinds of junk food, I went with the Chinese noodles and Dr Pepper, Dynesy grabbed some Korean Lay's Potato Chips, Chrissy grabbed cookies and water and the good doctor went with the spicy Ramen noodles. None of this was consumed when we walked into my place, I remember boiling water, then deciding I was no longer hungry and dumped the water out, amazingly not spilling any boiling water on the floor or on my person.
December 25th 9:30am
The reason for Christmas; PRESENTS!!!!! I think we were supposed to be celebrating the birth of someone but once I opened up a present containing Reece's Pieces, I lost all perspective on it. Amanda went all out as the perfect den mother and made stockings for all of us including the conspicuously absent Anna "Twin City" Rickert. Laughs were shared, pictures were taken and stomaches were hungry so off to the grocery store we went.
I decided on our 4 minute walk to Homever that I was going to attempt to create a breakfast menu the likes of which hadn't been seen since the great breakfast cookoff of 19 hundred and 37. The menu consisted of sweet potato homefries complemented with sauteed peppers, onions and mushrooms, scramby eggs, Korean bacon (never eat), grilled pineapple and me being a carnivorous mofu I grabbed some steak to cook up as well. The meal would be washed down with legitimate straight from Florida Tropicana OJ. Perhaps I didn't exactly touch the level of greatness on the breakfast cookoff in the year of our lord in 19 hundred and 37 but the effort was there and the meal was enjoyed.
We break out one of my gifts (Stepbrothers) and enjoyed the comedic stylings of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as the attempted to created a business known only as Prestige Worldwide.
On our way to Jen "Frenchie" Bedore we notice a brand new restaurant that's roughly 7 minutes away from me with the great name of OH! Ba Ma. I don't know what it looks like inside or waht type of food they serve but their marketing techniques have worked on me and I will become a frequent visitor of said establishment.
Dinner was excellent, salads, spiked egg nog, chicken, baguettes, veggies n dip, a tofu bonanza, sauteed vegetables, and for dessert cake and hilshire farms cheeses. Say what you will about Hilshire Farms (I like it) but when you've been almost completely without real cheese in 4 months, the stuff is amazing.
Back at my place with Amanda and Seth "I used to hate everyone but now I love everyone" Freeman. He used to be an angry little Jew but now he's a happy little Jew. Allegedly his family are close with the Krauses of Chicago White Sox fame. Personally, I'd keep that on the DL but to each his own. I can't fault him for it, he cracks me up and that good enough for me. I waxed poetic about the dominance of my fantasy football and basketball teams (I know how much people hate hearing about it but it never stops me).

My Enemies

I've come across for people/things that have done their best to make my life here a living hell, while coming close on a few occassions I've managed to beat their negativity and overall suckability back like the brave Patriots were able to defend the onslaught of Brits at the Battle of Bunker Hill. Historical side bar: It was fought on Breed's Hill, doesn't matter but I'm just sayin here, ok, back to the musings.

1. Bus Drivers-evil men put on this Earth with the sole purpose of kicking me off in the middle of nowhere on the coldest night of the year because he couldn't understand what I was saying when he asked me where my stop was. Damnit, you're in my country, learn to speak English!!!! Oh wait, nevermind, ummmmm, well they still suck.

2. Cabbies- These guys/dolls love to drive around in circles to run up the meter because they expect us to not know where we are, ohh how they are mistaken. Homie Don't Play That!

3.Khan- This is an evil evil Turkish man who wanted to do nothing more to me on me birthday but set my mouth on fire with a chili sauce on a kebab that I ordered when we were walking to the cab line during my birthday weekend. I asked for a kebab, and he gave me fire in tin foil. I couldn't help but perform an homage to Bill Shatner with a massive KHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yell as I sat in the cab with a 5 alarm fire on my tongue.
Editor's note: Ryan and Khan have since made amends and now Khan provides Ryan with delicious kebabs on the regular.

4. Juice Vending Machine, 1st floor of my school
I choose not to get into specifics on how this began but all you need to know is I will be the one who ends it when all is said and done. It stole my money not once, not twice, but thrice. Some might say it was my fault but I wanted to trust the vending machine and thought that the first couple of times might've just been a misunderstanding, apparently I was mistaken. This hasn't effected my relationship with other vending machines but it has strained it and I'm going to therapy weekly to try and resolve this by peaceful means. I hate this vending machine for not giving me my aloe juice. Whyyyyyyyyyy?????

Wow, I need help.

Goodbye Migooks and Weygooks,

Intrigued in Incheon


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Dec. 29th, 2008 07:51 am (UTC)
uhm... so... yeah... i suggest that the "i hate cabbies" portion be edited to include the infamous $37.00 cab ride in which we truly did end up... NOT KNOWING WHERE WE WERE and having to pay another $12.00 to take us back to familiar territory... oh wait, i guess i kinda just edited it by commenting.

that is all.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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